How to Play Nice With Erratic Energy (or “You’re Probably Not Having an Existential Crisis”)

erratic energyIt’s confession time.  My time to confess, that is.  I’ve spent the last week positively crawling out of my skin, energy wild and erratic.  This happens every so often, but this time was off the charts.  Nothing would settle me.  I tried going for a walk, grounding, eating a heavy meal, meditating, taking a nap, reading, watching Netflix.  I even tried cleaning my kitchen in a last-ditch effort to prove to myself that I could actually complete a task.  Result: half-cleaned kitchen.  I couldn’t find relief and I wracked my brain to try and figure out what was going on.  Hormones? Astrological tail-spin? Solar flares? Low blood-sugar? Existential crisis?  No, No, No, No and maybe….

The truth is that there was really nothing “wrong” and that’s what I want to convey to all of you.  The truth is that the unsettled feeling that we all get in the pit of our stomachs is sometimes just gas.  But other times, like today, its the feeling of standing on the precipice, of feeling the event horizon of something extraordinary.  That feeling doesn’t mean you have to “DO” anything.  You just have to “BE” and allow the giant tidal wave of amazing universal energy to wash over you.  This can be hard to do, trust me.  My mother used to tell me that I had an “Uber-A” personality.  Sitting still and letting stuff happen isn’t exactly my forte.  Nor, am I guessing, is it for any of you (we’re friends for a reason, after all).

And so the crawling, crazy, slightly manic feeling doesn’t need medicating or analyzing or fixing.  You have been the architect of your life the whole time and it’s been moving forward at a maddeningly beautiful pace (I can feel some of you start to object – so let me stop you and say that it absolutely HAS).  That feeling of not knowing what to do, and not knowing what’s next isn’t cause to chuck the whole thing in, its time to pause and look at this amazing feat and all of the things that you’ve created.  And in that space of reflection, you can find peace.

Big love,



The Art of Self-Compassion thought it might be time to get away when I started having vivid and poignant escapist fantasies involving one-way tickets to Barbados.  I knew it was time to leave when I had a full-blown hissy-fit at my boss.  So, before he could call HR and write me up for insubordination, I hopped into my car and headed straight to my favorite Buddhist retreat center in the Santa Cruz Mountains.  I had booked myself into a three day meditation retreat; the topic? Compassion.  (Honestly, the topic could have been anything and I still would have gone.)  With the stressors literally piling up as I fled civilization, I arrived at the Center and started bawling.  I had gone and done it again – I had neglected my most basic needs.  My self-compassion had gone out the window.  The result was that everything in my life had begun to spiral out of control.  My emotions, my relationships, hell even my personal business, up to, and including, a small scuffle with the California Department of Motor Vehicles (“What do you mean you lost my proof of insurance and are about to terminate my registration?!?”).  To top it all off, I had a full-blown case of poison oak that was spreading alarmingly fast over most of my extremities (try meditating through that!).

I showed up at the Center very much looking and feeling like I had been dragged backwards through a knot-hole.  I don’t remember the evening meal, but I do remember my fellow retreaters looking at me rather alarmingly.  I was the personification of “basket case” – and I was in the right place.

That evening the first topic was – surprise – compassion, but more specifically, self-compassion.  And as I began to meditate on this I began to see and feel the threads of understanding wind through my consciousness.  One of the basic tenants of Buddhism is to have compassion for all sentient beings, including ourselves.  And for most of us (especially us Westerners), we can definitely get behind the idea of practicing compassion.  But we tend to do it for everyone except ourselves.  We dole it out all day long to those in need, to our families, to our co-workers or to our pets.  But when it comes to giving compassion to ourselves, we fall short.  We externalize the idea of compassion and happiness, forgetting that the first, last and only source of either of these things is internal.  The result of this neglect is a kind of quid-pro-quo relationship with others.  That is, we’ll do unto others, but when they fall short in reciprocating our efforts, we feel unloved and hurt.  This is an externalization of our own power and leads to dualistic and decidedly un-compassionate thoughts and actions (“He does’t love me back?!? I’ll show him!!”).  If the Buddha were alive today, he might tell us (if I may be so bold…) that this is a half-assed approach, and that certainly we are not practicing any real kind of compassion.  Even if we leave the Buddhist teachings and look at this holistically, it doesn’t take us long to work out that before we can even begin to practice loving kindness to any other creature on the planet, we must first do it for ourselves.  How can we give if the well is dry?  We must tend the inner well and inner light first.  Only then can we begin to truly have any idea what compassion and loving kindness really are.

I wish I could say that three days cured me of my chronic workaholism, and that I am now an expert on practicing compassion flawlessly.  Um, no.  That’s an awful lot of programming to undo in three days (and truth be told, I could have used at least another week to even completely relax…).  But I am more aware of myself and the symptomology of over-exertion.  I am now more compassionate with myself and understanding.  I know now that when I’m tired and cranky, instead of berating myself for being tired and cranky, I step back and unplug.  Instead of getting after myself for not being perfect enough, or smart enough, or skinny enough or enough of enough, I just need to take a step back and recognize that I am doing the very best that I can.  As long as I can honestly say, “Heather, you are doing your best,” that is enough.  It took the Buddha six years under that Bodhi tree to understand the true nature of reality.  I am ok with the fact that it will, undoubtedly, take me much longer.

Slowly, slowly.



The Teachings of Mu – Boost Your Energetic Experience

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In this latest transmission from Mu, he offers advice on how to keep your energy up during these trying times of energetic, physical, emotional and global change.  This is not new advice, but you should find it calming and helpful nonetheless.  I know I did.

Greetings beloved Earth Beings, I am Mu of Infinite Service.  Today, we the Collective, feel you need a boost.  You need to prepare yourselves energetically and physically for what is to come.  This has been a long and transformative road for some (or shall we say MOST) of you.  We are almost done with our energetic shift.  In fact, some of you have made it already and and are beckoning on the other side for the rest to join you.  You, who are already there, are like spiritual cheerleaders for the rest.  But, if you are not there yet, or are feeling the strain, that is ok.  We are here to help.  We ARE at your Infinite Service, after all.

The first thing on your to-do list is meditation.  Oh beloveds, we tell you often – meditate, Meditate, MEDITATE!  There.  We said it three times, now go do!  Why is this so important?  Because it centers your energy, it aligns you to the divine and makes you more open to hearing from your higher self and spiritual guidance.  Remember that guidebook?  This is how you read it – Meditate.

Ok, now, take care of your physical vessel, or more to the point, your physical body.  Physical ailments can cloud the spiritual body, as well.  Feed your physical body the things that it craves for its highest good (and we do not mean junk food, dear ones).  Eat the foods that feel best.  For many, this is whole food (vegetables, fruit, clean meat).  Do what feels right and from a place of honor.

Also from a place of honor, move your body!  For many of you, this means exercise.  But do things that move your heart faster.  The vibrations of an energized heart energize your mind and, therefore, your spirit.

All of this adds up to taking care of you.  Make sure you are honoring yourself physically and spiritually, and honor the whole.  By doing so, you will find this energetic shift to be much easier and more pleasant.  You will find a certain degree of expansion in your daily lives, and many of you will find this welcome and helpful.

That is all for this transmission, my dear ones.  As you continue to honor yourself and the divine (and truly these are one and the same), know that our souls are not strangers and we dwell in a place of love and light.
Heather Indigo Light | Create Your Badge