Stand in Your Own Power

 


This morning’s radio show was all about what it means to stand in your own power, and more specifically not allowing someone to take it away from you.  So many times we give our power and autonomy over to individuals who are not deserving of it.  We even do this for situations that may be entirely imaginary (“If I do ____, my family/friends/colleagues will____”).  Don’t be afraid to be authentic – it is the most natural expression of You.  When we expend our energy (or power) in covering up who we are, there is less energy (or power) to devote to living the divine expression of ourselves.  Just being yourself should be effortless; expressing your true self is where you use the energy.  But the best part is that this energy builds and builds.  Every time you choose to be You, you feed the energy back into Yourself, each time becoming more present and more powerful.  It is a positive feedback loop and the ultimate renewable energy source.  To hear more click here or on the link below.

Have a safe, healthy and happy Thanksgiving!  See you all on Monday, 11/27 for an all new radio show.

PS – You get bonus points if you get the totally nerdy 80’s reference in the photo above. 

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Coming Out of the (Psychic) Closet

So after a couple of months of working steady as a part-time psychic, I decided to come out.  This is not unlike the “coming out” that has long been a right of passage (or terror) that the LGBT community has had to endure.  In both cases it involves timing, faith in your loved ones and, occasionally, cocktails.

You have to understand, that even though I had seen and sensed this new psychic “thing” coming a long way off, no one else had.  In fact, given all of my recent professional accomplishments and accolades, believing that I was all of a sudden talking to dead people and disincarnate beings was going to be hard for many people to take.  So, naturally, I felt that the best course of action to keep friends and colleagues on a strict need-to-know basis.  I came to this conclusion, in part, because I had already tried breaking the news to a few of my closest friends – with mildly disastrous results.  Their reactions ranged from stunned stares to “we are definitely not drunk enough for this.”  I really can’t blame my lovely left-brained friends.  At least they didn’t run away screaming.

It wasn’t long after I made the “need-to-know” rule that suddenly it seemed everyone needed to know.   One afternoon I found myself alone with one of my colleagues when I began hearing messages for her.  Very clear, very loud, very pointed messages.  I had to tell her.

Not even twenty minutes later, my mom called asking me if I knew a good psychic.  I thought she was joking.

Thirty minutes later, an old friend emailed me regaling his bizarre experience with a palm reader in Manhattan.  The first line of his email read, “I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, but….”

Clearly the Universe was having a laugh at my expense.  My Intention, I  thought, had been clear: only tell those who needed to know.  To me, this meant “only tell people who would be open to the idea of their friend/colleague/family member being a psychic.”  I thought I would know best to “pre-screen” all those who needed to know.  I was afraid of the judgment, the ridicule, and being cast off into the same category as Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friend’s Hotline. (I know that I get on 1-900 psychics a lot, and sure some them are gifted, but many are not.  And now, these hotlines have made it into the common lexicon as something not to be trusted.  So, naturally, I like to keep my distance.)  By me calling the shots, it meant I could hold the don’t-need-to-knows at a safe distance and remain (somewhat) comfortable with my new talents.

But no matter what I thought I said to the Universe, no matter what I thought my initial intention was, it was obvious that was not what the Universe heard.  To the Universe, “need-to-know” meant, “tell the people who need to hear message and need guidance.”  Well, that was 180 degrees different then what I had originally meant.

So this brings me to my point.  Lightworkers (psychics, mediums, healers, intuitives, etc.) can not hide their light and can not hide their true selves.  It might be your preference to keep certain gifts from certain people, but those who need you will find you.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Yes, I know that’s a Bible verse, but its some of the best advice I can give here.  Don’t hide your light under a bushel, so to speak.  And why you want to?  Being your authentic self is far better and take far less energy than parading around disguised as someone else.

Awakening

In late 2007, I was a hot mess.  Trapped in a sham of a relationship, owning real estate I didn’t want and driving cars I couldn’t afford, I consistently sought the trappings of a “normal” life.  If I had these things, then it meant I was living up to the benchmarks of normalcy, and that everything would be ok.  You don’t need to be psychic to realize that this was ridiculous rationale.

But the false exterior barely hid the suffering within.  I was waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night, often screaming.  I drank constantly and escaped to a fantasy land where life was easy and pain was non-existent.  I looked older than I was, I acted like a zombie and lost my temper frequently; I was not the person I thought I would be, or even someone I liked very much.

And then on a warm day in February, I walked away from it all.  Everything.  My relationship, my house, my cars, my cats.  Everything.  I started over from scratch and built my life my way, on my terms, with a man who was all too happy to let me do this.  And we built a life together.  For all of our insecurities and pre-existing neuroses, we did a pretty good job, until we didn’t.  And then I jumped again.

There is a larger theme, here: one of trust and rebirth.  This is the first time in my life I listened to what I truly wanted.  I was in so much pain and so damaged, I leapt out of my old life more out of desperation than anything else.  But I leapt in a direction that called me and to a life that made sense for me.  From that one act, from recognizing plainly what I wanted from what I didn’t want, I wanted to construct a life founded on truth and on love.  And this paved the way for still more miracles, most importantly the miracles of forgiveness and acceptance.

These miracles came in funny packages, however.  In 2009, having thought that the worst was behind me, I was experiencing what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown.  I was hearing, seeing and feeling things that, frankly, scared the crap out me.  I knew that there must be more to the story than simple case of anxiety.  Out of desperation, again (noticing a theme?), I frantically sought answers.  I finally connected with a psychic medium who, graciously, assured me I was not nuts – I was “waking up.”  Over the next year, I gave myself over to the process.  I’ve met some really wonderful people along the way, and developed some pretty amazing gifts.

And what’s more, I am no longer denying any part of myself.  I am standing fully and resolutely in own space with my own truth.  Just as it should be. Oh, and don’t worry, I got my cats back.  A fairy tale ending all the way around.

The Beginning

I’m not really sure how it all began, or from where these unconventional talents manifested.  I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t different, but I remember when I first realized it.  Up until about the age of ten, I was  terrified to think bad things about other people.  First of all, because I was terrified of Jesus (more on that, later), and second, because I thought that people could hear my thoughts and feelings, just as I could hear theirs.  Slowly, over the course of mild childhood traumas, I began to realize that Jesus wasn’t paying attention and “normal” people couldn’t hear other people thinking or feel others’ emotions.  Almost as soon as I recognized I was different, I began “un-learning” all of the things that made me different, so that I could cope and fit in.

But these suppressed talents of mine wouldn’t be suppressed as easily as I hoped.  They kept cropping up in unusual ways.  Most striking, was through my imagination.  My imaginary world was my private refuge, but it also provided fertile ground for psychic manifestations. To this day, I couldn’t tell you if the creatures and playmates of my childhood were figments of my imagination or something… else.

And then, there were my dreams. They were almost always precognitive, or predicted future events.  I walked around in a perpetual state of deja-vu, knowing that whatever was happening in my waking life, I had already seen in my dreams. Even now, my dreams remain portents of the future.

I carried on this way throughout adolescence and early adulthood ignoring a major part of myself.  I never talked about it, and I never allowed myself to think about it.  I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms, too.  Alcohol and drugs were my favorite, but I also threw myself into destructive relationships.  By denying such an important part of myself as a person, I cut myself off from my truth and from Source.  These distractions were shallow substitutions for the love and acceptance I craved.

And then something unexpected happened.  In my late twenties, I found myself in a life that I hated, desperate to escape.  Well, this can’t have been that surprising; I had essentially been ignoring half of what I needed to be happy.  Out of sheer desperation and despair, I jumped.  I simply just walked out of my life and into the void of the unknown.  But it was in that moment of leaping without looking, of trusting that whatever was out “there” was better than what I was in, that I learned to trust.  I could trust myself, and I could trust that the universe would simply just catch me.

This was the beginning of a spiritual journey that has consumed me.  Since then, I am happily accepting all aspects of myself.  The psychic and the mundane, the spiritual and the human.